D&D Next and Filth

I finally got a chance to sit down and play a game of D&D Next. Things started out simple enough with some lord approaching our merry band of companions and requesting that we try and rescue his son, who had last been seen being kidnapped by bandits.

No one (players or DM) realized we were actually in a John Waters movie.

Before leaving town, the Cleric of Pelor bought a costume and dressed as a noblewoman with a large hoop skirt.

Throughout most of our adventure through The Caves of Chaos, the halfling rogue Bobo, hid beneath the cleric's skirt. The Cleric would then enter the room, fire a Radiant Lance with one hand and lift his skirt with the other, unleashing the halfling.

Our group's first encounter was with a sleeping ogre. Things were going rather well for us and then the halfling ended up in front of the ogre and hit a string of high rolls. The ogre being quite tall, the halfling being quite short, and the rogue's player calling out his actions through a haze of Bud Light Lime, led to the ogre's penis being cut off.

Since the ogre's junk weighed less than ten pounds, the wizard promptly picked it up with a Mage Hand and imbued it with a Light spell. We named it Mortimer.

Not reading the rules carefully, Mortimer was kept floating near the ceiling to provide excellent illumination as we traveled through the goblin caves, killing, looting, and burning.